Think on your feet

Every now and then, while standing in a bank, I'll consider robbing it.

I think it's the security camera that does it. It's sort of like a challenge. The same thing happens to me in department stores; I'll see that big, black bubble in the ceiling and think "Hmmm... where's all the other ones?" and try to casually scope out the other ones. Find the blind spots.

"If I stand right there, behind that column, I could probably make off with all those neckties. You can never have too many neckties, Kevin."

Of course, I always conclude that robbing the bank, or the department store, or the fast-food restaurant is impossible. Unless...

"It would make more sense to maybe find a good hiding spot. Get behind the column, hide under the table. Then, at night, re-emerge and clean out the place!"

But it might not be that easy. Every place is sure to have alarm systems. What about the motion-detection system? What about the lasers?

"I could slide over and under and around them. I'm not in the best shape right now... but with the adrenaline pumping I... maybe... God... I should have trained."

Other problems start to reveal themselves.

"It's hard to exercise every day. There's only so much time in the day, and I've got a ton of things to do. I never stretch."

The plan starts to deteriorate.

"Pig. Kevin the Pig. That's what you are."

My focus waivers...

"Well... I'm in better shape than that guy at least."

...waivers...

"Him too."

...gone.

"Why isn't corduroy fashionable anymore? I have all these pants I can't wear now..."

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Curriculum Vitae: A Mojo The Sock Monkey Collection

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